Get a grip and face reality

Layer ONE : On the Outside
Name: Natasha Joan Noronha
Birth Date: 12 October 1990
Current Status: Physically attached to one guy, emotionally attached to another.
Eye color: usually brown, unless i spent the night getting pisst drunk at sanctuary.
Hair Color: brownish la.
Righty or Lefty: Righty baby.
Zodiac Sign: Libra

Layer TWO : On the inside
Your Heritage: Portugese, Irish, Chinese and Punjabi.
Your Fears: Heights, tiny crawling things, enclosed spaces, getting hurt beyond belief.
Your Weaknesses: Ppl who need my help, chocolate.
Your Perfect Pizza: Sambal ikan bilis with pepperoni.

Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: Owh shit, I'm sure I'm late for something.
Your Bedtime: 3 am or so.
Your most missed memory: Doesn't matter

Layer FOUR : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Used to be Pepsi but now addicted to Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: Mc D all the way.
Single or group dates: They're both fun, but I prefer single dates
Adidas or Nike: NIKE!!!!!
Lipton tea or Nestea: Err...neither?
Chocolate or vanilla: Choc choc choc choc choc
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee...tho ive never really seen the difference

Layer FIVE : Do you
Smoke: Depends on your definition of the word?
Curse: ALLLLL the time

Layer SIX : In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: yeap, it was fun
Gone to the mall: ALmost every day
Been on stage: NOt really lor
Eaten sushi: yea of course
Dyed your hair: I'm pokai dammit!!! and my stylist is on 'long leave'

Layer SEVEN: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: I think so, tho i dun think it got very far.
Changed who you were to fit in: Not conciously

Layer EIGHTAge you're hoping to be married : Omg, I have waaaaay too many things to worry about right now, don't ask me about plans for the future please and thank you

Layer NINE: In a Girl/Guy.
Best eye colour: Grey.
Best hair colour: Dark brown.
Short or long hair: Short but designer messy

Layer TEN: What Were You Doing.
1 minute ago: This.
1 hour ago: Eating dinner.
4.5 hours ago: Hanging at the Curve
1 month ago: Working.
1 year ago: Studying

Layer ELEVEN : Finish The Sentence
I love: being in love.
I feel: tired depressed and confused
I hate: getting hurt
I hide: secrets from people
I miss: A lvls
I need: To get a grip and face reality

Why does this happen to me? Do I deserve this because of all the bad things I do? Doesn't the good that I do count for something? Shouldn't it be balanced out? Why do I resist change so much that it physically hurts? Why am I so affected, both physically and emotionally by this??! ie. panic attacks

A little to much to handle

Ugh, my lack of blogging-ness is annoying even me.

And it's not that there isn't anything to blog about, it's because there's just too much to blog about. Just thinking about the amazing experiences I've been having makes me too lazy and too tired to blog.

So for now I'm going to say this much, 'I can't see clearly yet, the rain has not left. I'm still confused.'

Loveliness...

If you never try, you will never know.

So let me worry about taking care of me.

...

I've Been Tagged

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Hmm, probably when I'm 25-30

2. Where will you go if someone sponsored you a tour ticket?
I would go for a trip around the world.

3. What's your favourite thing to do?
I don't think I have a favourite thing. As long as I have something to do with people I like I'm fine.

4. Do you thnk money can buy happiness?
It depends what you percieve to be happiness. For me money may buy things that help in making me happy, but it won't buy me happiness.

5. Do you believe you can survive without money?
If I get sent back to when cavemen wrote on walls then yea. But if you're talking about the 21st century, of course not. Money is almost synonymous with survival.

6. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My freedom and ability to think and decide what is right for me.

7. If you win one million what would you do?
I would put most of it in my ASB account where I get almost 10% interest and use a small portion to treat my friends and family and of course myself. How is it fun if it's not shared right? Owh and I'll also give my 10% and help the poor. Whatever I give I recieve fourfold. Or so I'm told.

8. Dream job?
On an island somewhere with someone with me to keep me company, writing a novel with an amazing plot that is based mainly on my life thus far.

9. List 3 good things bout the person who tagged you.
Person 1: Outspoken. Reliable. Spontaneous.
Person 2: Talkative. Outgoing. Active.

10. If you only had one wish what would it be?
I would wish for more wishes!!! And if I can't do that....I'll wish for someone who wants and needs me as much as I need him. Lol. I know, shallow.

11. If you could rewind time, would you?
I might, once in a while to relive the best times of my life.

12. What's your ambition?
To be successful, and to lead a happy full life.

13. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
The moon, I'll be the first woman on the moon. And then I'll worry about getting back later.

14. What do you think is the most important in your life?
People.

15. If you could undo one mistake in the past, what would you do?
I would be more careful, and not as naive.

16. If you had a chance what part of your character would you change?
My tendency to worry too much and the whining that comes with it.

17. What music have you been listening to lately?
A lot of oldies.

18. What is the one thing you cannot do but wish you could?
I wish I could control my emotions.

19. What is your dream at this vey second?
That I can go out and shoot the chickens...

20. What type of people annoy you?
People who don't keep their promises and think that they're above everyone else.

Foretell and Forthtell

I dun remember the difference of foretell and forthtell. I remember learning it once...but i cannot remember. How sad and retarded. Anyway since my body refuses to go to sleep, I'm going to answer a quiz that I've answered before, but who knows, things could have changed since then.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to every question.
4. With the answers, comment on how it relates to the question.

1. How am I feeling today?
Sailing - Hmmm, well I guess if I could sail in a Trajet then yes I sailed from Penang to KL to Kuantan

2. Will I get far in life?
Everything I can't Have - I guess not seeing as how I want things I simply cannot have

3. How do my friends see me?
On Top Of You - Okay...

4. Will I get married?
The Way You Look Tonight - Yes I will...in a torn t-shirt and without shorts

5. What is my best friends theme song?
I'll Be There For You - Doesn't get truer than that, I can always count on them

6. What was high school like?
Hot - Actually I beg to differ. High school was about as hot as the North Pole

7. What's happening this weekend?
Mad Season - I don't know how things can get mad in Kuantan but I'll take it either way

8. How can I get ahead in life?
No Promises - Total truth. Never promise anyone anything.

9. How is my life going?
Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely - Haha...my iPod is psychic.

10. What is the story of my life?
Don't Bother - I'll pick myself up when I fall, so don't bother Ill be fine

11. How does the world see me?
I've Got The World On A String - It may seem that way sometimes

12. What song will they play at my funeral?
Some Day My Prince Will Come - I told you I'm going to die a spinster.

13. What's the best thing bout my friends?
Evil Deeds - lol

14. How can I make myself happy again?
I Don't Want You Now - If only

15. Do people secretly lust for me?
Somebody Needs You - awesome

16. What should I do in life?
20 Hour Drive - Somehow I DONT THINK SO!!! Geela...

17. Will I ever have my own children?
Mess Around - It seems inevitable

18. What will I strip to?
Mission Impossible Theme Song - LOL!!!

19. What is my deep dark secret?
Never Will I Break - ..hmm, that means I'm not telling

20. What is my enemy's theme song?
Bent - She is totally bent I tell you

21. What is my personality like?
Your Guardian Angel - Awww, I knew it -.-

22. What song will be played at my wedding?
Rock You Like A Hurricane - No comment?

...

It's all about the roots

I am currently in Kuantan. After much persuasion on my parents part I am here. Why so much persuasion needed? Cuz I hate travelling....seriously. I'm one of the worst travellers ever. i get car sick, I wanna rn out of the car and back home all the time, I dun like spending hours doing nothing. So yea, i dun like travelling.

And if I dun like travellin why have I spent the last week on the road away from home!!! sigh

Anyway not important. I officially start work on the 15th. After driving many people mad with my fretting. I'm actually looking forward to it, something to occupy my time. Hah and I get to hang out with Pey June all day. So fun!

And I think that when I travel i eat more!!! I think I've put on weight...sigh...useless. Got to go exercise. (Of course I say that but I wun cuz I'm me and me means being lazy)

Anyway, hopefully we can go eat Italianies this week. After much of Sukis waiting and planning. Especially since we agree that we're all growing apart. Need to see them to know that I need them. Does that make sense?

And theres ntg on tv rite now. Die. Boring.

Sigh I guess I'm going to sleep then. In my old bed. At least some things never change.

Mindless Ramblings....

Why do I get panic attacks at the most random times?

I have yet to close a deal with anyone regarding any room which I will eventually stay in. (I noe people are tired about hearing me bitch about finding a room)
But it's hard.

Also it suddenly hit me that I'll be staying alone. Technically. Housemates don't count cuz I don't know them! And I do not know how to wash my clothes, much less iron them. If I attempt to, I have attempted to, I take hours on end. I also do not know how to cook. What am I going to live on? Bread and butter? Probably...

And I'll be ALONE!!!

I think I have a phobia about being alone. Really, I need people around me.

I'm afraid that when i go to uni people are going to slowly forget me. And instead of keeping in touch I'll just drift further and further away until one day I'll no longer remember them. And they won't remember me.

What if I fail to understand what I'm being taught? What if I turn out to be really really dumb? And I drop out after the first semester and end up working in sum hell hole I hate and despise?

What if I dislike my lecturers? What if I dislike my peers? What if my peers dislike ME?!

What if...what if...what if....

(sigh)

I need to be able to look back and smile. I need to be able to tell myself that I had fun but it didn't last. I need to be able to not cut ties.

Ugh, that's the hard part. I can feel myself going to. I keep pulling myself away from the edge, before I take the plunge I know I'm going to regret. But no matter how many times I tell myself not to mess with things, that things are fine the way they are, I find myself drawn back to the same edge. Just waiting for the courage to do it.

But I can't do it can I? I'll hurt myself. And I'll hurt other people. And what's the use of that? What can I possibly gain from making myself and the people I care about suffer?

When I think about it, I know I don't want to. I think I might feel a bit better if I do...but will I really? In the end all I'm going to achieve is an absence in my life. A hole that might never be filled, but at least it's not filled with something bad right? I'm going back and forth here, looking at the pros and the cons and I cannot understand. I don't know what my mind is trying to tell me.

If I do it...I lose my friend.
If I do it...I'll regret it.

I don't wanna regret it. I don't wanna do sumthing stupid that can ruin my life as I know it. But then again...why do I keep crawling back to the edge...?

I have got to stop thinking so much. Or find a better outlet for useless random thoughts.

You're on my mind

Haha. I went to Nadia's blog and saw the New Kids On The Block video. And now I'm reminiscing.

I'm in Penang now. So far it's been pretty dull. Then again I drove two of the 4 hours to Penang. So I'm really tired. Bought a couple of DVDS, ntg much la. All the nice ones that I nak isn't clear!!! Now I'm using the hotel internet connection....really makes me appreciate the internet connection at home.

I still takde tempat nak tinggal....and I still tak tahu what stuff I need for IMU...I really do worry too much kan....but I can't stop!!! Kill me...kill me now.
I still gotsta buy all the formal wear. Ugh... Bila ada masa got to drag people out for their professional opinion.

Song stuck in my head right now: Play that funky music, Wild Cherry... -.-

It's all that I need

Today has been one of those days where it seems like the world is against me. Today after much running around in Bukit Jalil I closed a deal with a girl for a room at VKB, directly opposite the uni. We settled everything, including when and how I can pay. Then at 10pm, she calls me saying I can only have the room if I want to pay more, because she has desperate students who are willing to pay more. I half wanted to yell at her saying if you wanted to wait to see if you could get more money you should have told me that you would get back to me not make the freaking deal. But in my calm composed state I told her I would get back to her on that. She had the nerve to be RUDE saying that I was lucky she even got back to me about it. LUCKY? She is OBLIGED to get back to me, seeing as how we made a deal and I was going to bank money into her account. Rude. Impolite. Bitchy. Without taste.

On the way back I realized everytime I braked my car seemed to thump. Very worried, and since I was once again near the Curve, I brought it to Leong (who Ive started to like). Apparently my front absorbers need to be changed. Crap (I hate Riley right now. Seriously. I don't care.) Since Jen was with Dee nearby, she picked me up and we went for dinner, before going prom dress shopping (extremely last minute Jen).

We walked round the Curve, about 9pm already that time. And found a couple of dresses. I also tried one.....OH-MY-GOODNESS!!!!! It was AMAZING! It was so soft, so comfy. Then as I was zipping it up it felt like heaven, it was a perfect fit, hugging my hips and waist. When I got to the bust area, I realized I couldn't zip it up past there. It's too small at the bust area but fits perfectly everywhere else??! How messed up is that???... seriously, did they design it for a ten year old...?

Also....I think I might be delusional. I think I might actually NOT have the job. I was told that someone would call me today about what I should wear and when I should report for duty....but I never got any phone call. I swear...I think I might have misheard the manager. Maybe he actually said 'I'm sorry, but like everyone else, we don't want you.' but I heard, 'You can start on the 15th, from 11am to 5 pm. Six hours a day.'

...

Laugh out loud

I have not been in a very good mood the last.....4 hours or so. After putting hours and hours into searching for a room, I found one. The perfect room. I'm so serious the pope has nothing on me (sorry your holiness).

But after agreeing...AGREEING as in the room was MINE the guy pulled out. Because after settling the price and conditions and things, he asks 'Are you a Chinese?'....
The fact that I'm 1/4 Chinese didn't seem to matter. Owh sorry la, I change my ind you cant have the room. $%^)&*(_)(@((*$&@@**%%$#!&*(!!!!!!!!!!!! I tell you.

But yea, my mood changed when a special someone said, 'You changed my life, when you stepped in.'

AWWW so sweet!!!!!! I love him to bits right now.

P/S For the record I hate racists. And sexists. That has nothing to do with anything, I'm just saying.

Happy Birthday

And Happy Birthday Mommy.

You are still 21 this year.

Joke la, kawan ma

Apartments and rooms near IMU Bukit Jalil disappear as fast as they are made available. Honestly, I've called more than 60 numbers (not joking) and have yet to find a place to stay. Tomorrow I have 3 meetings. The first, a whole apartment at Vista Komenwel. Second, a whole apartment at Endah Ria. Third, a room at Jalil Damai (or sumthing like that). At the moment...the most likely option is the room at Jalil Damai. The only real concern is (besides the lack of air conditioning) the distance from IMU. If the distance is walkable, or realistic to drive, then I suppose I might go for that room.

But enough on apartments. Today I grabbed Suki to go collect my blood test results. I am not carrying hepatitis B at the moment, but I am not immune either (WAT???!!! I went for multiple jabs people!!!). Sigh...
Then we went to the Curve to see Adiel at work. Very impressive, he actually looks good in his uniform. We ordered...something along the lines of chicken something. Made specially for us by Adiel. Very nice. It was tasty!!! We jalan-jalan for a while round the curve then tried looking for Adiel again tapi couldnt find him, so I sent Suki to her ballet school. Turns out Adiel went to eat at The Apartment. After dropping suki, pusing balik la gi the Curve. Got lost on the way. Section 14 hates me I tell you. In the end made it to The Apartment la. Adiel was just about finishing his main course. I have no idea wat it was, tapi it was good! Then I kinda stole a bit of the chocolate mousse thingie (also once again no idea wat its called) and it was good! Sigh... So yea, the food at The Apartment and O' Briens is good. If I hadn't made that clear already.

So tomorrow...I gotta go to Bukit Jalil. And after all I do for Adiel, he won't teman me to Bukit Jalil....inilah kawan....sigh. (joke la, kawan ma)

I got rejected

Meh. Not that big a surprise but yea, TGIF rejected me. :(
Reason: They cannot afford to hire me for only a month. They said if I was working for TWO months they would hire me. Unfortunately I cannot work for two months....so yea, forget getting a job. ARGH! It's like everyone else except me can get a job.

So yea, spent some time in the Curve today, then went to look for apartments. Trust me. Not easy. And my primary plan kinda killed itself before it even started. I was really relying on it!!! But yea...life never goes the way you expect it to. So I have to continue hunting...and hope for the best.

Right now I'm at Dee's house...using the extremely slow internet and desperately searching for sumthing to watch on TV. Theres ntg on at this time....watever time it is. Owh it's 1am.

It has also come to my attention that I worry a little too much. Just a little. I worry about starting uni, about getting a place to stay, about getting formal clothes to wear, about actually making it thru uni, about wat happens after the 5 years, about whether I'm going to die a spinster. Lots and lots of stuff like that. I need to stop worrying don't I? I need to stop thinking too much about things that are trivial when you really look at it. But if I am the way I am...I don't think I'll be able to. Not just yet anyway.

So yea, the point of this post was, I got rejected. All the rest are ramblings that really have no point....

To do or not to do.

Should I get a job. I don't know.

The problem is, I start my course on the 25th of August. Doesnt leave me much time does it? And I'm going to be in Kuantan till at LEAST the mid of July. So technically...its slightly shorter than a month. Who in their right mind hires someone for slightly less than a month? The time and energy put into training tat dumkof can just as easily be put into other things. So yea. I wanna try, but at the same time I don't wanna waste my time. Going ou tmr with Dee to walk around and scout for 'help wanted' signs. Who knows. God is great, God is good...sumthing sumthing sumthing else to a song I don't really remember. I MIGHT be able to find sumthing to do. Which I quite obviously need.

Also, I'm starting to think that going back to Kuantan might be good for my sanity. I think I need to b around my family who never ceases to annoy me. I'm guessing a lot of people don't know this, but I'm envious of my friends who still have their familys here with them. Yes they can be a pain, but in the end they mean a lot.

Conclusion: Tasha is an idiot. (don't ask me how, i just know)

I am bored

I am bored.

Very very very bored. I've been surfing the net for ages and I'm STILL bored. And I really don't feel well. Like my stomach is going to eat me from anxiety. I feel carsick. But I'm rooted firmly to the ground. And I feel dizzy but I'm not even moving. I feel suffocated, like I can't breathe normally. To sum it all up, I feel horrible.

I obviously need to find something to do.

And I wanna make a phone call. So so so tempted to make a phone call. My hand is itching to reach for the phone and punch in the number. But I shouldn't should I? But I think it might make me feel better. Or maybe not. Either way I might be able to see clearly....right? Maybe not... So what should I do? I reaaallly wanna do it. But the logical part of me is saying no. Who's going to win?

An eventful day

Yesterday was an extremely long and eventful day. I hadmy IELTS speaking test, that in my opinion went fairly well. Now I just have to get ready for my written tests tmr and be done with the whole thing. After my IELTS exam I balik home, stopping at Giant to buy the drinks for the nights bbq party. Since I was in the area, I went to Lotus, my mamak, and bought nasi lemak home for myself. Yum. Anyway, when I got home I see this packet of char kuay teow waiting for me. And I go '.......sigh'. Cuz I can't NOT eat the char kuay teow, my granma bought it for me. Besides the char kuay teow at this shop is extremely nice. So Iend up eating both. Bloated and full like never before, skipping lunch and falling asleep cuz my head hurt so badly. I woke up about 3.30/4.00 STILL with a bad headache. Popped some panadols and got ready for the bbq.

Was driving smoothly to Adiels house, not really concerned bout anything when I saw the needle on the temp meter thing reaching hot. Panic. Call Daddy who's in Kuantan and he laughed and told me to bring it to a mechanic. Called Uncle Robin and he laughed and told me to bring it to a mechanic. Called Chong Yi to tell him I'd be late....who laughed and said OK OK. Called Adiel who didn't laugh and agreed to using my granmas car. But Riley never made it to the mechanic!!! At a turning close to Adiels house, my car just DIED. Right there in the middle of the street, it just died. And the alarm thingie went off. And I PANICKED! Sent an SOS to Adiel, close to tears at that time and waited while he got a mechanic. Some nice passer by with blonde hair on a motorbike stopped and helped me shut he car up. Thank goodness. So we just sat there making small talk while waiting for Adiel to come. Mechanic came, brought my car to the shop. Made a pit stop at the curve to buy Koo's goodbye/birthday present and hailed a cab to my granmas house. Got there, stole my granmas car (another kancil, just with more power and is less whiny). So yea, almost got lost on the way to Koo's apartment but my super power skills made it through. We were like an hour and a half late...and the fire was still very...pathetice looking. Lol.

All in all the barbeque was great. I ate lots and lots of sausages, cuz I dunno how to eat chicken wing and I dun eat seafood. So yea, lots and lots of sausages. With honey. Just the way I like it. Lol. Anyway I think thats the last time I'll see Koo for a while... how sad.

We left the barbeque at about....12 and fetched Jun Horng home, and Chin Wei home then me and Adiel went to 'his mamak'. Actually not bad...I like their teh ais, and the dahl was quite good. After eating supper/snack/reeeeaallly early breakfast fetched him home, and came back....

I think my aunt is supremely pissed at me....and I do care...just not all that much. Too bad.

Thank you to Adiel for helping me, seriously, I couldn't have handled that alone.

I Don't Mind

I am so full of morbid thoughts right now I'm scaring myself. I keep wondering what it's like to die. To stop being. Just for everuthing to stop. I wish I had more courage to face things thrown my way. But I don't. I wish I had more courage to actually go through with things. But I don't. The feel of the blade against my skin freaked me out. It felt so cold.. I couldn't go through with it. My cough is giving me hell. I have trouble breathing. And I finally bowed to my grandma's call to take medicine. I wanted to fight this by myself. Prove that I CAN actually do something. Same reason I've been resisting Panadol. Guess what, I can't. So yea I took cough mixture. Yum. Minty and sweet. I took more than I was supposed to though. It's supposed to make me drowsy right? I wanna feel drowsy. So I took three times the dose. I'm waiting here for the sleepiness to hit me. Cuz if I'm sleeping I can't feel right. My brain stops working. I stop thinking about my problems. Yay. But seriously. That's not a solution. I need a SOLUTION. I guess I'll keep waiting. Also, has anyone noticed how a hot shower can make you feel better, even if it's just for that few moments? When I stand under the stream of hot water, I can't cry. I don't know why. So it acts as a temporary plug until after I get out of the shower and start to feel horrible again because there's not comforting blanket around me. I think I should sleep now. Lots to do tomorrow. As usual.

Note: All of the above was fake. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Times of my life

I am sick. I am running a temperature and I have a sore throat and it seems like my head won't stop pounding. Its so incessant.

Even worse I'm like a movie theather. Pictures just keep playing in my head over and over and over again. At the end of each piciture, people just get up and walk out. Then it starts again. And the pictures are totally random. I don't even know wat they are or wat they mean. And I had a dream the other day (friday i think) about pey june asking me for A2 Physics notes. I go thru all my papers but cant find anything and start panicking like where the hell are my A2 Physics notes. ....I NEVER TOOK A2 PHYSICS!!! And the dream ends with me thinking 'It's never going to happen is it?'

But I got back from Redang Thursday night/Friday morning. Redang was amazing. The sand was so fine and so white and the water was so clear. It was pretty perfect. Just being in Redang surrounded by people I care about doing things I love. Playing in the sea, with the sand and swimming mostly. I miss everyone already. I keep wanting to cry...which is weird cuz there's no one reason as to why. Its a mixture of emotions..and I miss everyone. We had such a good time and now the future scares me because I don't know what to do. I don't know if the decision I'm making is the right one. I sure hope it is..

I wish there was a way to make PM 12 go on forever but there isn't. So I have to accept and move on. I just wish things were different though.

But still, to al my PM-12ers out there, pleeeeeease keep in touch. I will never be bored to hear from you guys.

I. CANNOT. MOVE.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! All my muscles are screaming in agony. Reason: Rock climbing

Not that it wasn't fun, it was a blast, but I'm not exactly fit...and the walls aren't exactly easy to climb..

Morning went to AC and sat there for like 2 hours before going to ECA and plyed four across. It was actually fun, slightly addictive. Then went back to AC again, teman Koo Adiel and Evan makan. Then pool baby!!! Nadia and I actually aren't so bad. We won as many times as we lost so I can safely say...we don't suck.

Then off to rock climbing. In the hot sun in tiny tiny Riley. Talk about hot. And quiet. And awkward. And argh-ish. But we made it there in the end. Wheee!!!

I as tired even before I began rock climbing. But the adrenaline got pumping and I managed to go for about half an hour before I seriously began to give out. My hands were covered in blisters. My arms ACHED!! So did my legs. Tapi my ARMS!!! The others were good at climbing, so I started feeling very the dumb cuz I suck. I hate being afraid of heights. All in all rock climbing was fun.

Then we fetched Adiel home, and got to see his hse. Nice....very nice. Very big. Very spacious. Owh and I met his cats....I won't get into that. And his parents who were very nice. (I got chocolates!!! I'm such a kid)

Now I'm at home...only reached home about 9.45. I tot I mite die on the road for sleepyness and tiredness. But I made it. Whee!! Okay now I go sleep. Tmr going lagoon!!! So fun. Hopefully I still got stamina. -.-

We actually made it

THE END.

How awesome is that. We made it to the end!!! (almost la, some of us have a few days more)
There were times during this one and a half years that I thought I would not see the end of the course. Examples are like when Ms Ho annouces Bio quizzes everyday for a month. Or Mr. Hari gave us Physic projects (like the toy car race thing). Or when I scored below crappy marks for my AS Chem Organic test (I still remember!!!). Or when I didn't pay attention in Math, only to realize I missed very important things.
But all that is what made my time in Taylors such fun!!! It's the ups and downs that feed excitement into our life. I obviously prefer the ups to the downs, and have yet to get over some downs, but it was all great.
What I take away from this is...well great friends of course, more knowledge in Chem and Bio and Math...and Physics, sweet memories and some regret.

Ugh, this is turning into such a heart-pouring-out-feeling post. Bio 5 today was....easy compared to other papers. Especially since I was expecting another paper from the abyss called hell. But the stupid t-test question....what was that...
Tomorrow I'm going rock climbing!!! Yay!!! Awesome, so much fun (im assuming). Tapi they only wanna do bouldering....and they know I'm not good at bouldering.....I can never make it to the top......yer....now I dun feel like going anymore. Crap.

But still!!! It's going to be fun...

Good luck to people taking Chem 1, Phys 1 and Bio 1.

It's because I don't trust myself with you

I just watched Cruel Intentions. Total awesomeness. I love the plot!! And Ryan Phillipe is an added incentive to watch the movie. I love the part where Annete is coming up the escalator and he steps into view, waiting for her at the top. That is just sweet! Too bad he had to die in the end.

My parents went back to Kuantan after dinner today. I miss them already. And I miss my brother. Who left his ipod on my desk. Now I hve two ipods!!!! Whoot! I'm downloading emo songs right now. The problem about emo songs is that too much of them make me sick, then I dun wanna be emo anymore. Not that my being emo is a choice. Im just saying...I guess Im un-emo-ed right now.

We played badminton just now. Me and Alex make a good team. The number of body smashes we delivered...total superbness. However...we do have to work on the logistics side of the game.

Also...there's college tomorrow. And I dun really feel like going. Actually to be brutally honest I'm pretty much dreading going. But it's the last week. Gotsta hang out with my larvlies. You guys know love you!!

Now...the plan is...go clean up my incredibly messy desk. Which I've been putting off for ages.

Seduce and Destroy

I feel like crying and I don't know why. I feel particularly useless today. I spent the day lazying around the house watching lots and lots of tv. I didn't go out. Partly cuz no one was free and partly was because I was lazy. And then I started thinking. After A lvls ends, this is what I'm going to do or two months...or more. Depending on whether I get accepted into any university. Also I feel foolish at this moment. I think I've been trying to convince myself that things are okay. I've been trying to convince myself that things aren't as bad as I see them. Guess what? I was trying to convince myself wrong. Things aren't great. I feel like nobody actually needs me. And I feel foolish for trying to convince myself otherwise. For trying to convince myself that i can be somebody. For trying to convince myself that what I think isn't true, that I'm not....

But yea....today is one of those days. When I just feel like crying. And I feel like I'm falling, and nobody can catch me.

...please somebody catch me

You gotta bounce

The world is coming to an end I tell you. At least the world I know.

Petrol prices are not TWO SEVENTY!!!!! MYR 2.70!!!!!

We are having total freak weather...I'm scared to go out in to evenings now cuz I'm afraid I mite get stuck in sum awful flood and Riley might die.

The price of everything that I eat is probably going to go up. My char koay teow is no longer sacred at 3.50. (I'm assuming so la)

Electricty prices are increasing.

To sum it all up, the price of everything is increasing. Except my allowance. If my parents so amazingly stumble upon this blog (like how they did the last one) hear me out...I need a raise!!!

Also....I havent heard from IMU. And I cannot stop worrying about it. I know, but that's just wat I do, I obsess. I obsess over everything when i feel it's not right. And now I feel like IMU is going to reject me...and I hate being rejcted. So now I cannot stop thinking about it.

Pushing that aside for a moment, last Wednesday was my Math paper (another sign of the impending fullstop to my life). It was the paper from hell!!! I'm pretty sure Lucifer looked it over and signed it off as perfect. Honestly, the onl question I could do was the first one. And I'm not even sure if I got that one right!!! The vector question as hard. And (for me la) not at all like the past years. I mean, they shud already noe that I suck at vectors, and they give me a question with the stupidity of that MAGNITUDE! I didnt want to cry after the exam. I really really just wanted to be strong, sort of get thru it and que sera sera. But wat do I do after the exam as soon as Samuel starts talking to me? i CRY OF COURSE!!!! Why? Cuz Tasha's a cry baby.

But yes, no matter wat crap is happening in life, the beauty is that nothing is ever written in stone. We can bounce back from this. And that is exactly what I'm going to do. Bounce back from all the horrible SHITTY things that has happened to me lately that makes me feel like Im unworthy, a screw up, a disappointment. Unwanted, horrible, disgusting, repulsive. So yea, I gotta bounce.

My car didnt take swimming lessons!

Who knew rain could be so troublesome?

Going back today was an epic battle. Kancil against the full force of nature. Seriously, me and Chin Wei in tiny Riley (yes I KNOW my car is small) were FREAKED OUT thinking we were going to crash because we could barely see the road. Even taking the highway home, we were caught in a jam. It took me an HOUR to get home today. A WHOLE HOUR!!!

And today I felt very the takde semangat. I couldnt focus on my work (math). I didnt WANT to focus on my work. I think I've already gone into holiday mode people. I spent like an hour sleeping in the eca, then a couple hours in the library dong NOTHING. Very unproductve day. And when i got home I felt a sudden wave of stress. And I couldnt get rid of it. My shoulders hurt, my arms hurt, my back hurt. So I went swimming.

Dah berapa lama dah I didn't go swimming. About a month or 2...maybe more. And instead of FIFTY laps I only managed THIRTY laps. When I got there I had the whole pool to myself. Yippee!!! Total privacy minus the lifeguard. Then this middleaged overweight dude comes into the pool. I really dun have a problem with overweight middleaged people. This dude was the most colour coordinated dude I've seen. Everything was blue. EVERYTHING!!! His slippers, his shorts, his goggles, his swimming cap. I almost couldnt see him in the water.

I was GOING to stop at twenty five laps tapi when I was about to go out this SUPER HOT Mat Saleh dude comes to the pool....and just stands at the side. And OBVIOUSLY I dun wanna get out of the pool in my swimming suit when this super hot guy is standing there so I keep swimming till I reach thirty laps. Quite obviously I have a problem with hot good looking guys. They intimidate me, and make me feel small.

Which is the OPPOSITE of how I'm feeling right now. I'm just going to send this out into the void....IM FAT!!!! Ohmg. I feel so...faaat!!!!!!! Like obese kinda fat. I need to go on a diet. Especially since SHEENA is on a diet and makes me feel BAD when I eat FRIES even though, like everyone else, shes thinner than me. *cries eyes out*

Also, I'm feeling down cuz I dun think IMU wants me. Biiiiig surprise. Meh.. If they dun take me then I'm destined for Russia I guess. Whichis enough to make me cry and throw a tantrum (imagine a spoilt child).

P/S When I said super hot I meant like REALLY SUPER HOT!!!

He's got you up on a pedestal, and me in his arms

I will start by telling you guys...WAT A HORRIBLE DAY THIS WAS!!! And it can all be explained with one word. Chemistry. After focusing my effort on physical chem and transition elements, most of what came out was organic chem. AS organic chem. Which sucks. I barely remembered anything from AS, much less organics. Damn... And would you believe it, I got my exo and endothermic questions wrong. How could I make a mistake like that? How could I mix up endo and exothermic reactions? That's fundamental chemistry. How can I make a principle error? If I didn't know how to do it I wouldnt feel as bad as I feel right now. Such a fundamental mistake. When I got out of the exam hall and the realization hit me, I felt so...ANGRY and STUPID. Angry at myself for being so careless. I hated myself so much at that point, more than I've ever hated myself probably. That I remember anyway. ...I kinda still hate myself right now. If you asked me, I dun deserve to continue...with anything, cuz I'm such a screw up. I can never do anything right...but before this turns into a self-despising-rant, Math was not bad la. Slightly unsure about the work done against resistance. Hopefully I didn't make any careless or FUNDAMENTAL mistakes. I was sleepy so that is a huge possibility. After Math, we got tiny boxes from Adiel, memoirs from his sisters wedding. Kinda cool, I like the brown box and the pattern on it. So yea, thx Adiel.

Then we went to McD. To drown our sorrows in Oreo McFlurry. U get the best of both worlds, ice cream and chocolate oreos. I had fun hanging out with Adiel, Suki, Koo Baby, Jun Horng. Just so you know....it was nice, unexpected but nice. And then back home, where I watched Greys!!! So now for the climax of this post, the Greys breakdown!!!

Lexie actually likes George???...(obviously this is on the top of my priority list) I dunno how I feel bout Lexie possibly liking George.

MerDer are back together! And going to get married and breed thousands of little babies who can play in Dereks piece of land that he almost sold.

The clinical trial works. YAY! After so much crying and grief, it works. I felt so happy for them. And for Beth...and for the memory of Jeremy.

Ava/Rebecca...is fricking mental!! She's...been dumped by her husband, she pees her pants, she thinks she was pregnant. I feel bad for Alex.

Alex and Izzie were kissing at the end of the movie, and I assume they went on to sleep with each other...or maybe not cuz Alex was crying. Alex doesnt cry.

George gets to retake his intern test!!! Hopefully he passes this time (and not fail by 1 point) and get to join his comrads.

Torres and Hahn...are gay. Ew. Not that I hve a thing against gay people, its just those two are a weird fit. And them making out...not needed!!!

Hahn gets yelled at (sort of) by the chief for dissing Yang all the time. FINALLY sumone took notice.

Yang taught Lexie the Running Whipstitch. Which I thought was completely cool and unselfish of her.

Mark Sloane...is hot (forgive me while I dream about his hotness). But anyway, Mark Sloane...is pretty much incapable of turning over a new leaf. I don't think he'll ever change.

Merediths Mom did NOT try to kill herself. She was just seeking attention. Which is pretty sad and lonely-ish.

The psychologist is so super cool!!! She sees things nobody else does. I love her.

The chief moved back in with his wife (oooo big deal, I dun like the chief rite now)

Alex apparently suffered from 'testicular cancer' lol.

Basically I think that's it. I love Greys. And to think I won't have it again for at least...3 months? sigh....unthinkable. But I've got to go sleep now, tomorrow is my IMU interview...wish me luck. How bad can it be right?

Don't worry, be happy

This song can make me smile every time I listen to it.

Hanging out of the passenger side of his best friends ride tryin to holla at me

Forgive the title. The song is just stuck in my head. But due to my laziness I havent posted in ages...and a lot happened. Meh.

Thursday:
Went to college...had bio 4. WTH!!! Ok nvm...I dun wanna dwell in the past. After the exams me Koo Baby and Melvin went to IMU. To submit my application. Talk about FAR! And the toll wasnt exactly cheap. Lol. Big thanks to Melvin who helped me count out 2 bucks in 5 cent coins. Anyway...IMU is not bad. Kinda out in the middle of nowhere tapi the campus is nice. OWH THE STUDENT LOUNGE WAS NAICE!! Free pool. Astro. Seriously comfy looking sofas...sigh. Total heaven. The library looked cool too but we couldnt go in. Hmph. Only downside was IMU was under (is under) renovation, so it smelt like paint...everywhere. Me and Melvin got lost (after leaving Koo alone with the counsellor) but eventually made it to the top floor. Where we saw Koo roaming the ground floor and shouted down like jakuns. Owh...and Koo's afraid the stairs will fall!!! hahaha!! Went for dinner nearby IMU...Sri Petaling or sumthing la. All the way to Bukit Jalil to eat...mised rice. Tapi the food was good la, i gotsta admit that. Pricing I think slightly cheaper too.

Friday:
Meh. Normal day at col. Spent most of the time doing Math. Then went KFC for lunch. Naice...tapi unhealthy and I felt so guilty. And after sending Chong Yi and Adiel off, me Koo and Melvin made the impromtu decision to go to Curve to watch INDIANA JONES!!! The movie was seriously awesome. I love Indy (Henry Jones Jr.) And Shia LaBeou (i think thats how u spell it) was so HAWT!! Total bad boy...so cool!!! Okay...a bit OTT there. But on the way to Curve, Melvin insisted on stopping at Chong Yi's hse (not my idea la chong yi) and we actually managed to drag him away from his studies to the movies! GASP! Who knew Chong yi could forsake his books?! But poor Chong yi...Melvin kept MOLESTING him the ENTIRE way. I think Chong Yis ass feels violated rite now. Kesihan...but fun to watch for Koo and me. Owh and surprise, Melvin belanjaed us Bubba Gump Shrimp. One plate for 4 ppl but still, its the thought that counts. And yea back to the movie, it was awesome! Ending was a bit...weird and unexpected la...but still, not bad. Up to my expectations. And I have high expectations.

Saturday:
Woke up late due to sleeping late the day before. Went down at like 11 and ate bfast while watching MTV made. Then went up to sleep again. And went down at 2 to watch Mohabbatein. I love that movie...unfortunately I was interrupted halfway when my parents came with my lovely brother. And I was so happy to have them here. Recently feeling homesick. And my brother is actually growing to be very handsome (owh no!! wat has the world come to?) as well as tall. Meh, he gets all the good genes.

Sunday:
Got up at 8...EARLY WEI!!! U wanna noe why? cuz since i shared the bed with my brother, he kept KICKING me all NIGHT!!! Grrr.... So yea Uncle Ian came over, Uncle Robin was at home. Chit chat and stuff then we went out to Amcorp Mall. Where I bought sum CD's (my best friends wedding, bounce, bring it on). Hey sue me tapi I love those movies and I finally found the CD's. Then we went to OU and ate Carls Jr....gah....unhealthy!!! 1000 calories!!! feeling totally guilty rite now but...owh well la. Then went shopping with my Mom, yay!!! So fun, havent been shopping for clothes in sum time. I think I'm shopping deprived. Unfortunately we had to leave when my brother started complaining bout how much money we spend and how much he wanted to go home to read his books (yea sure when he has his things we can go back -.-). So yea...just got home and my parents just left. Sob. So now I'm alone again. sigh...owh another thing, Im actually very good at this Wii game called Rayman Raving Rabbits (I remember playing lots of Rayman when I was younger, I think I was addicted to that game). And the game in Rayman I liked was Shake ur Booty which is like the drums version of guitar hero. All you need is timing and coordination and thank goodness I have that. Lol I completely shattered all my brothers high scores. But yea...now I'm going to watch ... either bounce or my best friends wedding. And if I have time I'll study. Good to know where my priorities lie rite.

P/S I love this (look down)

CHONG YI: I'm as straight as a walking stick okay???!!!!!!!
MELVIN: ...but the walking stick at the end is curved wat.

P/P/S HAPPEE BIRTHDAY SAMUEL!!

Impending doom

Just a quick shout out: To my David Cook (yes MY David Cook). You were totally awesome today, loved your 1st and 2nd song (3rd one wasnt all that la, but I still love you). If I could I'd listen to the 2nd one over and over again. I dunno why, I'm just so totally in love with it. So yea...even if you don't win...you will always be my baby.

And now....AHHHHHHHHH!!! (make like the Home Alone kid) My Bio 4 test is tmr!! I've been freaking out about it all day. And when I freak out my moods kinda swing out of control. Sorry la... Tapi I was (am) so worried. Shit la...the new syll format SUCKS SHIT. I can barely count it as Bio anymore!! Applications kinda take the details out of things and expects us to know useless crap...that in my opinion whudnt be under general BIOLOGY!!! I so rule at Respiration and Photosynthesis and stuff like that...tapi if you give me Gene Tech or Bio Tech (which we obviously will get after doing the math) I'm going to fry myself in the exam hall!!! So if you smell something burning, don't be alarmed. Just continue kicking the papers ass while I become a hill of hot ash on the floor.

Sigh.....mucho overreaction-o. But yea...wish me all the best...and to my lovely classmates, just do your best....because really thats all you can do.

In need

Sigh. Today was a busy day. Not a moment free for myself. Not a moment free for studying. Got up at bout 10.30-ish. Went down, met my other uncle and family. Blablabla, ate breakfast and went over to their house. Watched Forest Gump...kinda. I dreamt thru most of the movie tho. Couldnt get myself to pay attention...I think I was sleepy. Anyway then spend some time with my lovely cousin, Corinne. Played with her very cool erasable pen, and sumthing called the Tattoo Pen. Pens that can be used to make temporary tattoos. Lol, that was fun. She drew nice hearts on my hand while I wrote Chemical equations on hers. Quite obviously, I'm worried about my exams....ARGH!!! Anyway, I think I may have been allergic to the pens, now the whole of my hand is red and itchy. Just my luck rite. Also went to the TTDI night market today. That was fun, havent been there for some time. It wasn't all THAT crowded but it was still HOT! Corinne and I had a great time making fun of different stalls, and of my granma as she went into TOTO to buy a number -.- sigh. AND I WAS HUNGRY!!! I wanted to buy food. So much food. Satay. Yum, but I couldnt cuz I had plans with my OTHER uncle. He picked me up then went to Jalan Kuching (??? I think ???) and saw my newest baby cousin!!! Harleen Kaur. Cute. But then again, all babies are cute. So yea, went to the mamak, ate nasi campur (actually quite cheap) before going back to the hse and watching Zee while trying to make the baby wake up. So much for that. She slept most of the time. And I almost got eaten by my Uncles dog. Huge-ass black dog that wouldnt stop barking. Gah, I'm traumatized. So yea, just bout got home...tired...sob...didn't do any work...SOB!!! Tomorrow is Wesak Day, but I'm going to college to attempt to study in Starbucks because everyone noes that if I stay at home, I'll end up watching TV...or worse....going shopping.

Comic Strip

Dee's priddy comic featuring...ME! It has earnt a place on my blog for it's cuteness and accuracy.

Fickle Minded

My Daddy came down today. After a lot of 'changes in plans', he came down. Alone.

My Dad, being the freakish person that he is, left Kuantan at 6 in the morning, calling me at SIX IN THE MORNING to tell me that he's leaving and should be in KL by 9. Because of that, I actually got up early today. At 8.30. After taking a shower I went down and got 'wow, you're early today' from my granma, 'hey look who's awake' from my uncle, 'how come you're up already' from my aunt, and 'are you feeling okay?' from my grandaunty. Needless to say, my reputation of sleeping in on Saturday's preceeds me.

Anyway, the rest of them went to mid valley while i stayed at home waiting for my Dad. And of course, since my Dad is a man of his word, and almost always punctual, he was outside the gate at about 9. Then we had breakfast (roti canai), and played badminton from 11 to 12. I was so humiliated. My Dad beat me...in 3 games!! I didnt even win once! I didnt even come close to winning once. I have been rendered unfit during my stay in KL without my parents who love exercise. Honestly, at 11.30 I was looking at the clock going...Hmmmm, is it spoilt?? And I used to be able to go for an hour without feeling the burn.

After the harrowing badminton experience, we showered at the clubhouse (1 hour of blissful hot water without worrying about the electricity bill), then we went to the Cendol man in TTDI. Yum, I had cendol pulut. Which I havent had for ages. And the uncle is still as nice as ever, he still remembers me.

And after putting the calories back into our bodies, we headed to the Curve. Ou looked really busy, so the curve it was. We watched Drillbit Taylor. It was an...okay movie. I wouldnt recommend it to anyone unless they're absolutely jobless with money to spare. Even though I was looking forward to it, Owen Wilson just didnt amaze me. Kinda cliched, kinda dumb at times. Nothing amazing, nothing like IRON MAN!!!

Okay, after the movie we went walking around the Curve and Ikano and Tesco. I think I now know where I got my shopaholic-strain from. My Dad. Seriously. He shops as bad as I do. Only he buys things that he knows he needs and doesnt blow his money on clothes. -.- So we walked roun, mainly IT stores which (to me) look the same. Bought very very....dangerous looking....IT stuff....that even though my Dad tried explaining to me, went right over my head. So yea, IT retarded and proud of it.

And now...I'm all alone cuz my Dad went back. SERIOUSLY!!! It's a 3 hours drive and he wants to go back TODAY! Gawd...my Dad is INCREDIBLY stubborn. But anyway, I'm here waiting for him to call when he reaches, so I thought I would let you guys know what I did today.

Owh and I almost forgot. My Daddy wants me to apply to IMU as well. He says he senses that I'm not happy about going to Russia (i dunno how he sees that, even I'm not sure myself). So yea...now I've got to go thru the whole IMU application process. And quick, I dun wanna miss deadlines and stuff... I'm not sure if I even wanna apply... The chances of getting in are tiny... and even then I'm not sure if I wanna study medicine at IMU. But then again, I'm not sure of a lot of things. So for now, I'm just going to apply and see what happens with that. First step...IELTS...sigh, and I thought I dodged that bullet. Anyway...wish me luck, I'm going to need it. Maybe I'll make it... who knows rite?

Determination

Hmmm, so yea. It has come to my attention that I do not blog enough. Even Nadia blogs more than me, at least once a day kinda. And I'm the one who's supposed to like blogging. And I do like blogging, don't get me wrong. Its just nothing much happens to me. I have one of those boring lives your supposed to be contented with.

But still, since I'm blogging, I'm going to write sum stuff. I just have to find sum stuff to write. Owh, it's official that I REALLY REALLY REALLY suck at chess and checkers. SERIOUSLY. I've gotten my ass kicked so many times by Adiel and Koo. Koo no surprise la, tapi I think I took Adiel's challenge a little too lightly. Grrrr. I don't like losing. I'm very competitive by nature...I don't like to lose. Hopefully, sometimes next week, I get the chance to regain some dignity by AT LEAST putting up a good fight and not giving up like I did today.

And talking about dignity. What is it really? I mean, just rhetoricaly (if that's how you spell it) is it easy to lose? And once it's lost can it be regained? and if it can't be regained does that mean that once you lose it you can pretty much do watever you want cuz you have nothing to lose? am I making any sense to anybody?

Just one of those things I'm wondering. Right now I'm feling very...not content...not satistfied...but sumthing close to it. Like everything's gone wrong and nothing else can possibly ruin my nght...but in a good way. LOL if that's possible. And I realized no matter how much you want something, you can't always have it, so I'm actually accepting the fact that I don't get everything in life. I'm maturing!!! Just knowing that I got it out there at least makes me feel kinda better, even if it's not reciprocated. Hmmm, I kinda like this whole bummed-out-in-a-positive-way feeling.

Anyway, it's been a long day....lots of running around doing errands after college. Now REALLY tired. And really hungry. Kinda..Okay more like craving for Coke. Which is why I'm going to say....HASTALAVISTA BABEH (quote Mac Center guy).

Pool-ing

So today, I was dragged (slight exaggeration) to the pool parlour above AC by Koo and Melvin. They took me and Suki hostage in an attempt to make us understand and master pool.

They failed...miserably.

Me and Suki are complete sakai idiots at pool. Lol, the first couple of times that we took a shot, the pool-stick-shooting thing would hit a different ball instead. I'm glad to say that with Koos intense training and words of encouragement, I got better. I started to hit some balls. In fact, I think throughout the 3 games, I put in 5 balls!!! (hey, bear with me la okay. That's a lot) So me and Koo kicked Suki and Melvin all over the place. Then Chin Wei came and tried to help them. Unfortunately for them, Koo was on fire and burning up the table. Seriously. I was a little scared a how he hit the balls, fierce geela!

Then as I was getting into my stride, I was going for I think was the second last ball or sumthing, and I got into position, took an aim, pulled my arm back when Koo yelled.

I had mistaken the blue ball for the white ball. Stupid. Lol, but then again that's just me. And in the end we won anyway. So that was fun, now I'm at home on my bed and about to indulge in Grey's Anatomy.

I got bored...so, TAA-DAH!!

You Should Be a Doctor

You are practical, sharp, and very intuitive. Optimistic and energetic, you are a problem solver who doesn't get discouraged easily. You are also quite compassionate and caring. You make people feel hopeful. You're highly adaptable and capable. You do well with almost any curve ball life throws at you. You do best when you: - Are always learning new subjects - Use your knowledge to solve problems You would also be a good therapist or detective.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

I don't know how they got all that from me just choosing a pattern, but I'm taking it as a sign.

Pink Circle

I took a test that is supposed to tell me stuff about my personality and the kind of person I am. I'm not actually sure that it describes me, so you can decide for youself.

YOU: THE PINK CIRCLE

Circleslove harmony and tranquility and tend to be calm and contented with an optimistic outlook on life.Traditionally the symbol of the earth mother, circle are real people'e people.

Communication is a great priority for circles. Both at work and at play, circles solve things by talking them through, consulting everybody involved and striving for harmony. If you are given a task or a challenge, your first response is to talk about it, you would not be the one reaching for a pen to make a 'to do' list to sort the problem.

Circles can be creative and extroverted but are best known for their intuitive approach to work and play. At work you're generally a popular player, though your focus on achieving harmony rather than getting the job done, quickly and systematically may wel frustrate colleagues.

You like to gossip, but not maliciously. You do love people with problems. You will reach out to new people and situations, but while circles are often warm and welcoming, you are not always totally dependable.

Your colour is pink. Traditionally the colour of feminity, pink denotes a sensitive caring side to any personality, but when combined with a circle it suggests the ultimate people's person. You are deeply caring, sensual, and totally in tune with your own emotions and those of others. You are even likely to put the physical needs of others before your own, even when you're not feeling in your top form.

And if you wanna find out wat you are, go to www.bupaworld.com

The Last Day...

Tomorrow is the last day of A lvls.

Wow.

I never thought I would actually be this sad seeing the end of my one and a half years at Taylors. All thru it I was complaining about the little things. Too much homework, endless quizzes and presentation, useless Msian Studies classes, but now I feel so sad to actually end it. I don't want to end it. I don't want to leave.

GAH! I feel horrible! Like emo-sad-disbelief. As much as I 'love' my classes, the thing I'm going to miss most about this A lvls course is the ppl. All my ppl. My lovely Nadia, Suki and Adiel. My Koo-Baby and his ever so gay partner Melvin. MY CHONG YI!!!! Samuel 'bitch' Lee. My awesome CCK, always there for me (his trademark peace sign). Water-fish Jun Horng and his partner in crime Wolf (love his pink Hawaiian shirt) as well as Hashim, poor innocent victim.

I hate to admit this, but I've grown attached to these people. And I'm going to miss the deciding where to go eat. All our traditional migrations to Mc D and AC, two of our most frequented places. SOB! I still remember (yes I remember stuff) sitting in Pizza Hut for two hours while they cooked our pizza. It took so long cuz there was a power shortage. And I was dead tired, cuz we just sat for out Chem 2. Boy...that paper was hard.

Anyway, I just want to say how much I'm going to miss A lvls. Everything about it. The ppl, the food, the place, the library (im a nerd), the rain, the sun, the stupid SAM block and the awesome CAL block. So I wan to send a message to the three most important people (not that the rest of you aren't important, these ppl are just more important-er):

Nadia: Yea la, I know you're going to keep in touch. But make sure you keep updating your blog!!! I need you...(like water like breath like rain). Who else am I going to go completely crazy/mabuk-ish with anyway?

Suki: Suki my darling. I LOVE YOU! Who's going to print stuff for me now....I actually have to learn how to use a Russian printer. Owh the horror!!! Anyway, as you are your very organized self, of course you'll stay in touch...yea...yea...(poke poke).

Adiel: Hmm...I can kinda guess that you won't stay in touch...but I'm still going to say it, STAY IN TOUCH YEA! You know I'll miss you and your complete randomness with songs and weird information.

Sob sob. I hate change. Owh well. Now I've got to go study.

Sniff sniff

I. HATE. BEING. SICK.

My room is strewn with tissue!!! The amount of tissues I used today alone (at college and at home) probably came from half the rainforest. Grrrrr.....

I hate being sick. I absolutely hate it. My head feels like its spinning all the time, and the world seems fuzzy...and slightly out of focus....*zones out*

And I have a flu, quite evidently. Sob. I'm leaking. Grrrrrr again. Sigh. And my throat hurts. It hurts so much that I have to cough. Then when I cough, it hurts more. Its like the positive feedback system.

I have no idea where I caught this sort of super-duper-commando bug, but he's quite strong. Ive been sick for a week already, and I'm not getting any better. Not only that, I've managed to infect Nadia, Chin Wei, Koo, Melvin and I don't know who else.

AND my exams are like next week. And I'm still sick. A results of being sick, I cannot concentrate on stupid stuff like studies. I just wanna sleep all the time. I actually overslept this morning cuz I was too doped up on medicine. Then when my granma woke me at 7.10 I was like, wth!!!! I'm usually halfway to college by now. And I jumped up all energetic and got ready, and got to college on time. I was even earlier than Ms Chan!!! (gasp, not saying much).

Anyway, now I have to go try and study crop plants....I hope....i was supposed to finish that ages ago....owh well....we'll try....and I...must....not.....fall......asleeeeeep...........zzzzzzzzzz

P/S Joshua's ignoring me online!!!

pieces of my heart

I have just watched the lastest episode of Greys and I am so so so glad to say that I am still in love with it.

New developments: George and Izzie aren't so close anymore. Hahn might be GAY. Torres is now freaked outbout Hahn's possible gay-ness. Meredith...is still Meredith, just without Derek. Addison was back. Which was so totally AWESOME. I idolise her. I wanna be like her. I also want hair like hers. Ava/Rebecca is pretending to be pregnant...for...Alex? I don't know, I don't get that. And I still don't really like Alex. He's one of the biggest man-bitches I have ever come across.

Anyway. That episode left me feeling a little dejected. Actually, most of the latest episodes have left me feeling a litle dejected. I used to take solace in the fact that Izzie and George were so good together. They're not like each other, and sort of balance each other out. But the broke up. And sure all's fine with that but it feels (to me) like the whole thing actually affected their friendship. I feel like they aren't as close friends as they were. They were BEST friends. So close, I wanted to be them. And now George is ditching Izzie for Lexie all the time.

Can you sense some bitterness here?

I feel like I've lost my friend as well. Not a best friend, but a close friend. Someone I kept close to my heart. We never had a normal relationship. Well, I felt that way anyway. I always found it amazing that I got close to someone in such a short period of time. He could make me laugh. He could make me cry...then try to make me laugh as he's consumed by guilt. But I guess the stupidest thing to admit is that I thought he liked me, more than a friend. And because of that, I fell for him too. And fell hard. I fell so hard, I bruised myself, and I have yet to recover. Now I know that he doesn't feel the same way. And as much as I say that it doesn't hurt, it does. It hurts everytime i see him, or hear him speak. It hurts seeing him with other girls and trying to laugh. It hurts to think that everything he told me, everything that I believed was true, was just a lie fabricated to keep my feelings at bay. It hurts knowing that he hurt me, and used me, and couldn't care less about it. It hurts that he keeps bringing it up like it's a joke we share and expects me to be okay with it. And more than ever, it hurts that after all that, I still like him.

But who knows. All this hurt could be self inflicted. Things could not be made more clearer after 'I don't feel the same way about you.' But because I'm me, I still have this small clinging hope thing, and it's killing me.

Just a little bit longer

Owh won't you please just listen.

This blog is the result of a torrid affair between me and boredom. I really should have spent my time studying, but I guess what's done is done (Hamlet??).

Also, I can't seem to get my mind of a certain something. Something that has no importance or relevance, or even a place in my life. Yet it's there.

So with this first post, I bid you welcome.