I am so full of morbid thoughts right now I'm scaring myself. I keep wondering what it's like to die. To stop being. Just for everuthing to stop. I wish I had more courage to face things thrown my way. But I don't. I wish I had more courage to actually go through with things. But I don't. The feel of the blade against my skin freaked me out. It felt so cold.. I couldn't go through with it. My cough is giving me hell. I have trouble breathing. And I finally bowed to my grandma's call to take medicine. I wanted to fight this by myself. Prove that I CAN actually do something. Same reason I've been resisting Panadol. Guess what, I can't. So yea I took cough mixture. Yum. Minty and sweet. I took more than I was supposed to though. It's supposed to make me drowsy right? I wanna feel drowsy. So I took three times the dose. I'm waiting here for the sleepiness to hit me. Cuz if I'm sleeping I can't feel right. My brain stops working. I stop thinking about my problems. Yay. But seriously. That's not a solution. I need a SOLUTION. I guess I'll keep waiting. Also, has anyone noticed how a hot shower can make you feel better, even if it's just for that few moments? When I stand under the stream of hot water, I can't cry. I don't know why. So it acts as a temporary plug until after I get out of the shower and start to feel horrible again because there's not comforting blanket around me. I think I should sleep now. Lots to do tomorrow. As usual.
Note: All of the above was fake. Ha. Ha. Ha.
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